It’s a nice condo. Tall glass windows overlooking the word, so I can observe all around me. Rooms to hide my thoughts in. Secret passageways of forgotten memories (sounds weird doesn’t it memories but forgotten..) It’s quite spacious as well. Lately, I fear that no matter how spacious it is, it seems to get more and more crowded with my thoughts. I live in my mind, constantly, and I can’t escape it, I wish I knew how, I’m with myself more than anyone else and I feel caged inside myself. I need to learn to overthink less, and just do. The only person holding me back is me, and to be honest that’s a pretty tough opponent.
I wish I was born in 2010, so I could still be a child. I want to have innocent and uncomplicated thoughts. I don’t want to have to make decisions, I don’t want to be depended on, I just want to be small and fragile and just have more time.
And to think there are people who want to grow up.
I don’t really know why I made this blog, I already have two other ones. Maybe since my friends are on there I can’t show my full feelings. I know no one will see this, because no one cares. I thought about making a wordpress or whatever it’s called, but that site feels so lonely.
I’m 16 Years Old
I’m Living in Puerto Rico
I go to Antilles High School, I’m in my Junior Year.
As in, my next year I graduate. I haven’t really faced the fact that eventually I will leave school and start life. Just the thought of my future is enough to send me into a panic attack. No one can tell me for sure what will happen. I have a great fear of death and dying alone, the whole concept is terrifying to me. I might suffer from Gerascophobia or something, man I don’t even know.
In school, my friends are Laura, Carolina, Daniela, Damalis, Natalie, Jose (Gonzo) and Laura. Everyone else is just a secondary friend, don’t really talk much to them. If you’re wondering why I’m writing this like a first grader, it’s because if my memory is as bad as it is now later on (because it will be or worse) then I don’t want to forget.